baby: A-a
mom: Apple? Say apple.
baby: *jumps*

dickspeak:

acting cool around ur crush

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mondoodoo:

so i was looking up off bug spray ads and i was expecting to see some lady on a lawn chair with a bottle of bug spray but instead i saw

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then i came across this gem

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and this last one was pure gold

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god bless you off bug spray

vandigo:

orgasham:

methlemore:

orgasham:

masturbating-to-your-selfies:

102 chicken nuggets

why would you order 17 of 6 instead of 5 of 20… that shit’s expensive as hell

Getting 2 four pieces is cheaper then 1 6 piece know your nuggets

but getting 1 20 piece is cheaper than 3 6 pieces KNOW YOUR NUGGETS

this is how word problems for math books are started, isn’t it.

unclefather:

 a scene from the critically acclaimed movie “Gravity” 

unclefather:

 a scene from the critically acclaimed movie “Gravity” 

zackisontumblr:

my soul mate is most likely a grilled cheese

I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE POUR KETCHUP ALL OVER THE FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF A DESIGNATED CORNER AND THEY OFFER ME SOME LIKE NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR TAINTED FRENCH FRIES

ihatecispeople:

hotdog-ouroboros:

ihatecispeople:

also apparently being agender means i cant wear clothes marketed to women or men. Mind telling me what im supposed to wear then?

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perfect.

riordam:

swonb:

ambulanceinertia:

Why do some Targets have those big red concrete orbs out in front of them what purpose do those big red concrete orbs serve

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This is some sort of nightvale shit

starksexual:

so i’m watching hannibal and this fucking ad comes up

starksexual:

so i’m watching hannibal and this fucking ad comes up

kawaiigod:

i swiped my card at mcdonalds like please GOD! if youre real let this transaction approve and it did and i was like well i need more proof thanks though

thisgingerischronic:

marinashutup:

congress

fuck